Today we have a guest post by the frontrunner in the race for the republican presidential nomination, Donald Trump¹. He offered to review a few Dr. Seuss classics…

Green Eggs and Ham

Phony loser Ted Cruz’s favorite book. Not surprising – it was written by another Ted (Geisel) who also uses a phony name. Careful – they’re both hiding something.

The Sneeches and Other Stories

The Sneeches’ desperation is embarrassing. If they weren’t so stupid, they would have built a wall and leveraged their incredible beachfront real estate assets to make Sylvester McMonkey McBean pay for it. Ted Geisel was a lightweight, but I’ll admit The Zax was great.

Oh, the Places You’ll Go!

A very bad book. More establishment lip service from Ted Geisel. Boring, slow, lethargic – very hard to read!

How the Grinch Stole Christmas!

Online polls say this is one of the most popular Christmas books of all time, but the story is a complete fabrication. The gatekeepers of children’s literature won’t admit this. Very embarrassing for Ted Geisel and dangerous for readers. I’ve tried Roast Beast – disgusting.

The Lorax

A great book. The Once-ler is smart and tough. He started his thneed business from very little and built it into a great company. I’ve seen Truffula trees – an eyesore.

¹Do I have to say this is a joke?