My parents divorced when I was two, and I am my mother's only child. On Christmas Eve she and I used to go a friend's house out in Arlington, MA. There was a tree that reached the ceiling decorated with lit candles, and they always served tiny chocolates decorated with white sprinkles like snow. We caroled around the tree and the adults got tipsy, and I played with a three-dimensional tic-tac-toe game when I got bored. There were never any other children there. Later, there were a couple years my mother threw holiday parties of her own. I remember she made egg nog with heavy cream and brandy; I was allowed to drink some. She served it in a cut-crystal mug. Most years, she took me to The Nutcracker. She saved her wrapping paper and wrapped every single item in my stocking, which was packed to bursting with special candies, tiny ceramic animals, and—later—lip glosses and glitter eyeshadow. I recall the first time I spent part of the holiday at a boyfriend's house, and being amazed that other people celebrated differently than we did in our family of two. My boyfriend's family ran around the house Christmas Eve stuffing unwanted and ridiculous junk into one another's stockings in full view. They gave me a stocking of silly crap, too. I have never stopped being interested in that kind of moment: when we glimpse other people's intimate rituals, when they let us into them—and change us in doing so.
My childhood Christmas memories have congealed into one giant fruitcake of a thing; the highlights (and the lowlights!) all baked together in my mind. It's hard for me to remember the particulars of one single Christmas, but certain moments do burn brightly. There was the time that my brother, my sister, and I snuck downstairs at 3:00 a.m. to get a sneak preview of our presents, only to be caught red-handed by my father. There was the time that the gifts overflowed from beneath the Christmas tree and quite nearly covered the living room floor. Once, my folks ran out of time for wrapping gifts, so my brother and I took turns closing our eyes and drawing unwrapped gifts from a black garbage bag. Another time, my dog greeted my grandparents by pooping on the floor just as they walked in the house. The great controversy each year was who got "The Corner" in the living room… that is to say, the area behind the yellow couch that was ideal for stockpiling gifts. Each year, arguments over who got The Corner were settled by consulting the photo album from the Christmas prior. Whenever I was the benefactor of The Corner, my gifts would pile up to the point of capacity. But one year, it all changed. I was about 15… ancient, in Christmas years… and my take was quite small. In fact, my gifts barely came up to my ankles. The coup de grace came when I opened my gifts: Clothes. The party was over for me, but no matter. I'd had my fill. It was time to make sure the next generation was enjoying their Christmases, and baking fruitcakes of memories of their own. 
Photo: Dion Ogust
Snow reminds me of the Christmas without my dad. He had been there, smiling with my mother, as my sister and I unwrapped the books and the games, and exclaimed over the new sled. The whole week was ahead of us: Dad to take us sledding, to read to us, the four of us to sit around the table playing Rook. But then came the blizzard. My father, a police captain, had to return to the city to work. The trees and bushes became mounds of white; our front door was covered. Mom made cookies with us and played games, but we wanted Dad to pull us on the sled, and to read the new books, which we wouldn't open without him. At last he came up the walk. "Now we're together," Mom said, tears glinting in her eyes, "that's when Christmas begins." For so many years, my husband, a detective, had to work on Christmas Day. Once my son Jim was in the hospital, coming home days later. And there was the time my son Bill and his family came from Australia in January. But always, my mother's thoughts echo in my mind, and I tell my family, "When we're together, Christmas begins." How comforting, and true. We are currently offering this content for free. Sign up now to activate your personal profile, where you can save articles for future viewing
Add Comment :-
Be the first reader to comment.
Comment Policy:
Comment should not be empty !!!