Time is running out to get a gift for the insufferable librarian in your life. With help from Etsy, the 2017 edition of the Librarian Lump of Coal Gift Guide has your back.

Click here for the 2016 guide

Click here for the 2015 guide

Click here for the 2014 guide

Click here for the 2013 guide

Click here for the 2012 guide

Click here for the 2011 guide

Click here for the 2010 guide

For the librarian who really hates bookmarks

Bookmarks Are for Quitters Shirt

$35.00

You never use one?

For the librarian who is the hero of their own story

Librarian Gift Book Dog Chew Toy

$10.00+

“What’s that in your mouth, beast? A book?! Give it back this instant!”

For the librarian who stays low key

Low Key Stunner Plaid Secretary Librarian Dress Joan From Mad Men

$75.00

Very low key. Absurdly low key. The lowest of low keys.

Side note: I love on Etsy how the product titles just devolve into a keyword free-for-all.

“Ooh – how about we throw a ‘Joan from Mad Men’ in there for good measure?”

For the librarian who needs a tie

Bibliophile Men’s Tie

$19.50

“How can we sell these ties with book spines glued on them?”

“I don’t know, maybe with a poorly lit photo where you can’t see the product?”

“Bingo.”

For the librarian who is into nightmares

The Librarian Spooky Haunted Porceline Doll

$45.00

*Shudder*

For the aggressive librarian

Librarian Shirt

$25.00+

For the librarian who enjoys work

Book Decanter

$8.99

“Where’s Bob?”

“He went to the stacks half an hour ago to shelve that white and blue book with the cork on top.”

“Again?”

For the librarian who feels cats should be allowed in the profession

Cat Librarian Necklace

$8.00

“Look at this guy. Tell me he wouldn’t make a great librarian.”

For the librarian who doesn’t want a gift, but has another request

Librarian T-shirt

$22.00+

Note: The wearer must provide the heavy sigh.

For the bookworm librarian

Bookworm Bookmark

$2.00

“Worm” is used loosely.

For the librarian who’s also a carrot

Sexy Librarian Carrot Embroidered Patch

$52.95

“Where should I set the price for this small embroidered patch?”

“I don’t know, five bucks?”

“Another thought: $52.95.”