Time is running out to get gifts for the insufferable librarian in your life. With help from Etsy, the 2015 edition of the Librarian Lump of Coal Gift Guide has your back.

Click here for the 2014 guide

Click here for the 2013 guide

Click here for the 2012 guide

Click here for the 2011 guide

Click here for the 2010 guide

Click here for the 2009 guide

For the librarian who likes explaining what things are to people:

Harry Potter steampunk Tree

$390.00

“Wow! I like your … machine … cone?”

“I’m surprised that you couldn’t identify this as a Harry Potter steampunk tree.”

For the librarian who likes dolls:

Ira Hirshberg, The Librarian Handmade Art Doll

$80.00

“What’s up with your doll?”

“Oh, you mean my librarian doll?”

“How is it a librarian doll? It’s not wearing shoes and is about to get into a remote controlled dune-buggy.”

“Don’t let the mini dune-buggy fool you. That’s just Ira’s hobby. He likes to dune-buggy on weekends. His occupation is librarian.”

For the librarian who likes to have the crap scared out of them every time they open a book:

Ferret “librarian” animal bookmark

$3.86

“AHHH!!”

“What? What’s wrong? What is it?”

“Silly me. I just opened my book again. Forgot that I bought this ferret bookmark online.”

For the discreet librarian:

Black Enamel Retractable Librarian Pin

$11.00

“Aren’t you going to ask me about my pin?”

“What?”

“My pin.”

“You’re wearing a pin?”

“Yes, this tiny sort of beat-up black circle is my new black enamel retractable librarian pin.”

“Oh. Tell me about your black enamel retractable librarian pin.”

For the librarian who likes to get into character:

Belle’s Green Library Dress

$152.00

“You might want to take another picture.”

“What’s wrong with the one I took?”

“It’s a little blurry…”

“…”

“…”

“I’m not taking a second picture. This must hit the internet NOW. Post it.”

For the librarian who likes paste:

Library Paste Jar

$18.00

For the librarian who likes magic:

Harry Potter Custom Lighters

$5.00

“Incendio!”

For the librarian who likes nouns:

Space Marine Blood Angel Librarian in Terminator Armor

$44.69

So many nouns.

For the librarian who enjoys whimsy:

Christmas Gift for Mom, Whimsical Art, Zombie Librarian

$65.00

“I want this wall to be full of whimsy. Can you think of something we can hang that is especially whimsical?”

“I have just the thing.”

For the librarian who lives a vintage lifestyle:

Sweet Vintage 1910s Library Red Shade

$15.00

*Shakes head*

For the librarian who needs a way, some way, to mark the page of their book:

Bookmark

$1.49

“I’ve been scouring the ‘net for days to find something I can use to remember my page. Now, after I order it (I had to create an account on Etsy before it would let me enter my credit card information and place my order, but totally worth it), it will only be a few more days until this rectangular piece of  paper saves my reading life.”