Gr 5 Up–Stead’s middle grade debut is a playful, structurally mischievous fantasy anchored by an earnest heroine and a storyteller’s wink. Bernadette, 12, conscripted at age six to tend the 24 goats literally holding up a crumbling castle, lives in a goatkeeper’s hut beside its alligator-filled moat. When her closest friend—Perseverance the turtle—is seized to become the king’s “Royal Delicacy,” Bernadette abandons her post and launches a rescue mission down the River of Uncertainty in the Boat Who Does Not Grant Wishes. She is joined by Adelbert the Magnificent, a once-great magician with a memory full of gaps, and an ever-expanding cast introduced through a deliberately out-of-order narrative. A self-aware author figure lingers at the story’s edges, adding another layer to the metafictional puzzle. Stead leans into playful narrative disruption with wandering chapter headings, running wordplay, and structural loops that reward attentive readers without sacrificing warmth. Hilariously oft-misused Latin incantations (translated by Matt Newman) pepper the text, while textured grayscale illustrations extend the humor and deepen the worldbuilding. Though the plot sprawls by design, Bernadette’s steadfastness and the story’s gentle insistence that courage and compassion matter more than perfect magic provides a steady throughline. Readers familiar with the themes of friendship, acceptance, and the magic in ordinary things found in Stead’s picture books will feel right at home. Most characters are cued white.
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