Jonas Steglich (David) and Sophie Krauß (Zelda) in the stage adaptation of Gary Ghislain's How I Stole Johnny Depp's Alien Girlfriend. Photos: ©Karl-Bernd Karwasz

YA author Gary Ghislain’s debut, How I Stole Johnny Depp’s Alien Girlfriend (Chronicle, 2011), “a madcap, quirky adventure” garnered positive reviews. The novel was translated into German and adapted for the theater. Ghislain recounts his experience of seeing Johnny Depp performed onstage. Some fictional characters can take you further than you could ever imagine. Take Zelda, spacegirl and kick-ass extraordinaire, an Amazon from another planet far, far away, whose mission was to find her perfect mate on Earth and zoom him back to her galaxy to live and reproduce happily ever after. In my novel, How I Stole Johnny Depp’s Alien Girlfriend, Zelda arrives from Vahalal claiming that the right man for her is the guy who portrayed Jack Sparrow on-screen. To prove that they’re perfect match, Zelda needs to kiss Johnny Depp and confirm his DNA. In her quest to find him, she enrolls a teenage boy, David, who has to cope with her insane antics and her belief that bikinis and knee-high boots are the perfect combat-ready outfit. The novel was pure sci-fi comedy and tons of fun to write.

Poster art by Paul Bower

I couldn’t imagine that four years after the novel was published, it would be translated into German, and that the people at the Hannover National Theater would think that the material was hilariously nuts. Instead of successfully teleporting Johnny Depp to Vahalal, Zelda put me on a Lufthansa airplane flying to Germany in order to attend the premiere of the theatrical adaptation of the novel. For those who have never heard of the Hannover National Theater, let me describe it to you in a few words: It’s freaking awesome! The director (Lars-Ole Walburg), the actors (Zelda: Sophie Krauß, David: Jonas Steglich, Malou: Sarah Franke), the incredible scenography (Kathrin Frosch), the costume design (Nina Gundlach), the sweet and obsessive music (Martin Engelbach), the playwright (Janny Fuchs), and the guy who initially read the novel and thought the theater must have it on its stage (Florian Fiedler)—all of these things combined created an experience extraordinaire that, as Zelda would put it, “spacespashed” me off my socks. And in the process, I’ve learned a few essential things every wannabe writer should know:

1. It’s amazing to see people who only existed inside your imagination actually walk, talk, smoke, and knock one another on the head.
2. There’s nothing like hearing a large audience laughing at your jokes while trying to ignore that annoying guy sitting in row seven and laughing the loudest (me).
3. Actors are magicians. They can play with wardrobe and pretend they’re a hundred different people doing a million different silly things. They can simultaneously portray a cop being knocked out and the Vahalian executing the knock out. They can be a mother and then transform into a father just by putting on spectacles. But, most amazing, they can sit on one another’s laps and pretend they’re a car speeding down South!
4. If you created a character based on your own mother, you will feel like telling her to stop and leave people alone when she comes on stage and starts yelling obscenities.
5. Before a play starts, people hug each other backstage and spit three times. It’s very unhygienic, but it’s very heartwarming. And apparently, it brings good luck too. When the play is over, people just drink, yell, and cry. Nobody mentions all the spitting that took place earlier.
6. It’s really hard to not die of a sudden heart attack when you’ve been told that the actors will come and get you at the end of the play and drag you onstage in front of an audience that will either watch you in pained and confused silence, or applaud till their hands hurt (the second thing took place, I’m still shaking).
7. It’s really heartbreaking leaving all of those great people when you have to go back to the airport. They're like a family you really want to belong to, in the same way you wanted the Addams Family to pick you up in their awesome, funny car and adopt you when you were a kid.
8. Writing is the best job in the world.

Check out the German trailer for the stage play of How I Stole Johnny Depp's Alien Girlfriend.